Hestia vs. Icarus

    In high school, choosing colleges was somewhat of a challenge for me.  Many of my friends were going to be traveling three hours down south to colleges that I didn’t even think about applying to.  I found myself torn between two options: 1) going to Cuesta Jr. College in order to get into the college that I really wanted or 2) go to Chico.  Of course I’m happy that I chose Chico, but at the time it was a hard decision to make.  I talked with the head of the Agriculture department at Cal Poly who gave me an offer.  The only problem about his “offer” was that I was going to have to attend a jr. college before getting into their program.  At the time, his offer was looking pretty good, plus it wasn’t too far away from home.  I remember how happy my dad was knowing that I’d be close to home and how excited my friends were that I’d still be in the same area.  My boyfriend at the time was ecstatic and found it a relief that we weren’t going to be doing the long-distance thing.  Things looked up.  I was somewhat happy, but I still felt that I was going to miss out on something if I went to a jr. college.  I wanted to feel that excitement/awkwardness when living in the dorms with a complete stranger.  I wanted to do more and explore outside of my small hometown and not be like everyone else in my high school.  I knew that I needed to grow, but for some reason the people that I loved and who were around me still wanted me to stay.  They still wanted me to be close.  They still wanted me to be the same.  They weren’t giving me the space that I needed to become my own person. 

    When I finally took that trip up to Chico to visit the college, my mind was 90% sure that I was going to be attending a jr. college (due to all the encouragement/influence from everyone back home).  Yet for some reason that 10% of me just didn’t know if that was what I really wanted or if that was what everyone else really wanted.  Coming to Chico opened my eyes to a new area and lifestyle.  I fell in love with the campus and the people and soon realized that this was what I wanted.  I didn’t want to wait two years in order to get into Cal Poly, it wasn’t worth it.  I wanted to go to a four year college now, not later.  When I got back home, I shocked my friends, boyfriend and family.  My dad was somewhat disappointed, but my mom was excited for me and glad that I chose to go somewhere different and far from home.  My friends were shocked and asked questions about when I was going to visit.  Sadly, a 7 hour drive didn’t give me that much leeway to make weekend appearances. 

    When it came time to move into the dorms, I found myself leaving many friends behind and family.  Being one of the three other people from my high school to attend Chico, I found myself starting on a clean slate.  There was no pressure for me to be the same person and I didn’t feel smothered.  Going back home now for the holidays I find myself feeling somewhat out of place.  Nothing has changed at all.  The towns the same, the friends are still there, but many things have changed for me.  I look at my friends who decided to stay in the same area and attend Cal Poly and realize that they haven’t grown that much as a person.  They still hang out with the same people, still get caught up in everyday drama, and still act the same. It soon hit me that I could have been just like them if I stayed.  Same friends, same mindset, and same outlook on life. 

     Since my move to Chico, my “Icarustic” ways have pulled me many different ways. I have had the opportunity to visit Australia and live in the Daintree Rainforest for several weeks.  I have had the great pleasure of visiting the Mediterranean area and see the sites in Italy, Croatia, Spain, and France.  I feel that the only way a person can grow as a human being is by taking risks.  By taking risks you have the ability to succeed or fail, but no matter what happens you end up learning from your experiences.  Therefore, I feel that I relate more to Icarus than Hestia.  Even though I have the sense of belonging as did Hestia, I find myself wanting more once I’m settled.  Seeing that I’m coming to an end in this chapter of my life, I find myself yearning for something more.  Sadly, I’m not too sure what that something is.  Is it the anticipation of getting out into the real world, or is it just the travel bug biting me again that’s making my body crave to go explore another country?  Or is it something more, only time will tell.